and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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