me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
