I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
