Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
