If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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