my being single is dangerous.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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