rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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