He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
