He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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