i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
