The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
