dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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