First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
