Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
