Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
