I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
