He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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