Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
