He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need water and some morals
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
