jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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