So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
