Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
