If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
