wat bout pragnant strippers??
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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