I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
