i think my mom watched the whole time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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