I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
