no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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