Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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