Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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