Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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