isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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