dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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