I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I believe in your delicious
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
