Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
