I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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