HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
