So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
