very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
