I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
