the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
True strength comes from lack of pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
