So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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