Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
