so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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