Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
