you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
