you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
