I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
