I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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