Your face is a jimmy john
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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