i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
