He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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