I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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