and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
