well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
