Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
