Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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