Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
