hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
