Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
