I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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