im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my poor anus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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