i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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