Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
