Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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