New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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