i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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