he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
