I just cut my nipple shaving
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sober January is a disaster.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
