Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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