i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
