I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize