his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
