ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
