Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
