Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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