"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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