I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
