If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
