I'm pants shitting drunk right now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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