singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think people are normalizing furries
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
