I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
